Bullying Prevention and Intervention Tips for Families

© 2012 Anti-Defamation League www.adl.org/combatbullying education@adl.org

1. Increase Communication

Initiate discussion about your children’s social and online lives on a regular basis. Ask specific questions that generate meaningful dialogue (e.g., instead of “How was school?,” try “What is lunchtime like at your school—who do you sit with, what do you do and what do you talk about?”). Make sure that your demeanor communicates genuine interest and openness as opposed to the desire to control or invade privacy.

2. Monitor Behavior

Observe your children in different settings by volunteering at school, participating in extracurricular activities and being watchful during social gatherings. If you notice that your children are overly aggressive, vulnerable to peer pressure or exhibit other behavior that troubles you, talk to them about your concerns and redirect the behavior. Be vigilant about the warning signs associated with bullying behavior (e.g., social withdrawal, fear of attending school, avoidance of or preoccupation with technology) and trust your instinct to intervene if your children don’t seem to be their usual selves.

3. Facilitate Positive Social Experiences

Help your children to choose friends and hobbies that make them feel good about themselves. If you notice that certain relationships or activities cause unhealthy conflict or bad feelings, talk about ways to improve things move away from the negative situation. Guide your children in finding friends and interests in varied settings so that they do not rely on only one place as their social outlet. Help your children to stay bonded to at least one close friend—feeling socially connected can help to mitigate the effects of bullying.

4. Promote Responsible Online Behavior

Talk with your children about ethical online behavior, including respect for privacy and the impact of denigrating others. Make sure that they understand how to protect their own privacy online (e.g., keep personal information, passwords and PINs confidential) and how to respond when targeted by negative online behavior (see Prevention Tip #6). Help your children to set healthy limits on the amount of time spent online and actively supervise online activities. If you use filtering and monitoring software, be open about it and don’t rely on these tools as a substitute for direct participation in their online lives.

5. Talk about Bullying

Make a point of explicitly bringing up bullying. Specifically define bullying, what it looks like and what to do when it occurs. Communicate your values and expectations regarding their social behavior on and offline, and help them to clarify their own values and ways to act on them in the face of peer pressure and aggression. Discuss and rehearse ways to respond to social cruelty, and make it is clear that your children can and should come to you for help when they witness or are involved in bullying situations.

6. Be a Role Model

Think about the messages your children receive when you make judgmental comments, gossip or behave aggressively toward friends, family members, drivers on the road or help staff in stores. Use technology responsibly and avoid forwarding mean or biased jokes and posts. Model what it means to be an ally and to stand up against prejudice and cruelty on and offline.

7. Be Involved at School

Advocate for policies, programs and practices that encourage positive social behavior and be vocal when adults/institutions fall short of their responsibility to protect children and maintain safe environments. Don’t wait until your child is the target to get involved and speak up.