Newest Rumors on Jerry Stomski

Now that the opposition has spent weeks attempting to make mountains out of molehills, or just make new mountains on flat land, I have some suggestions for new anonymous posts. 

1. Did you know that Jerry Stomski is so evil that he leaves the toilet seat up?  How can he live with himself? 

2. Did you know when Jerry was about 4 years old, he took candy from a baby?  How can we even consider someone who at that age was so mean and nasty? 

3. Did you know he invented a weather machine that caused those early fall storms?  And he specifically targeted Democrats, just like George Bush did with Hurricane Katrina?  How does he live with himself? 

4. Did you know that Jerry is actually not human?  I heard he arrived on a spaceship.  It explains why he is so mean. 

5. I also heard he is secretly trying to get Dunkin Donuts to open at 256 Main Street South. 

6. I also heard he thinks Sarah Palin would make a great president. 

7. And most importantly, Jerry tells people Merry Christmas.  How insensitive!

All of these are unconfirmed reports from anonymous sources, much like the negative posts here on the Patch.