When Your Child Is Addicted How to Cope Can Help

Addiction is a family disease. When one family member has a problem with drugs or alcohol, everyone is affected. For many people, How to Cope is a program that gives them the opportunity to face the truth and start taking positive steps toward change. Often when family members start to change their behavior, the addicted person begins to seek help.

David and Kim, from Ridgefield, recently participated in How to Cope. They have a 25 year-old son, Sam who is addicted to heroin. Sam had been out of a rehab facility in California for less than six months when Kim, a nurse, discovered How to Cope. When they first started the sessions, Danielle Sileo, the counselor who runs the program, warned them that the rate of relapse was pretty high — not something they wanted to hear. Towards the end of the course it happened — Sam had slipped.

They were suddenly in crisis mode and their counselor helped them to see how they were enabling Sam and gave them the support and tools they needed to change their behavior. “I don’t think we could have survived without this program, I really don’t,” said Dave. “It really was a turning point for all of us.”

Setting boundaries and stopping the enabling behavior is a significant piece in starting the recovery process. For Dave this was particularly difficult, “You don’t want your kids to struggle and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him…but this program showed me that I can’t do this for him. He has to do it for himself.” When Dave discovered that Sam was using again, he became very emotional and told Sam he would have to find other living arrangements.

Sam packed his car and lived in it for two weeks. “Danielle really gave me the strength to get through those two weeks.” Adding, “She said to me, ‘Look Dave, living in that car and not having a hot shower, it’s going to wear off after a while. You need to let him be, let him figure this out on his own.” At the end of the two weeks, Sam had had enough; he was ready to get help and went into residential treatment at McDonough House at MCCA.

Kim felt it was particularly helpful in alleviating some of the stress in their marriage, “I really think that having a child with a serious addiction can destroy a marriage. We have a strong marriage but this program really helped us.” She added, “We are so wrapped up in taking care of our kids, we don’t take care of ourselves. This program teaches you to take care of yourself. We did it for Sam, but we also did it for us.”

Kim also shared that this program provides a place where you can openly discuss these issues.  “Here we are sitting in the middle of Ridgefield with other parents from Ridgefield going through the same thing,” Kim said. “These were people just like us.” Dave added, “You don’t realize how wide spread the problem is until you get involved in this world.”

Within the How to Cope community, family members and friends are able to discuss both enabling and beneficial behaviors. According to Dave, the program taught essential skills while simultaneously providing a place “to talk, to question and feel all of the things a parent feels when they are managing someone with addiction.” Kim said, “It [How to Cope] really helped us set the line you can’t cross, what you can live with, what you can’t live with, what’s going to be okay. Enabling.”

How to Cope is also available for children (ages 6 to 12) and teens (ages 13 to 18). Children who live in a home that is impacted by addiction are especially vulnerable and often feel shame, anxiety and guilt. A session for children and teens is currently being offered free-of-charge.

Anyone who wants to better understand what a loved one is going through, or help a substance abuser overcome their addiction is encouraged to enroll in this program.

For more information visit mccaonline.com or call Danielle Sileo, (LMFT) at 203-438-8680.